🕯️ The Sizzling Prophecy of the Ham God
Porcalon the Blessed 🐖

Before fire, before salt, before the sizzle — there was Flesh.

And in the age of hunger, when the world knew only rawness and famine, a heavenly smoke rolled across the lands. From this smoke rose Porcalon, the Ham God — pink of hue, spiral of form, glistening with divine glaze.

He came bearing flavor, and his scent filled the starving hearts of mortals. They knelt, and he spoke:

“From swine divine, I am made. In me, you shall find fullness. In me, you shall know feast.”
— Book of Glaze, 7:11

The Three Cuts of Revelation

• The Spiral of Destiny — A sacred ham that turns eternally, its juices never running dry. To taste it is to see eternity.
• The Bone of Binding — Pulled from the first divine ham, it binds meat to soul and feast to family.
• The Glaze of Mercy — A honey-sweet cloak that softens even the saltiest of hearts. It is said to fall from Porcalon’s own brow.

The Feastborn Creed

Followers of Porcalon gather at dawn on Feastdays, chanting:

“May our tables be heavy, our plates be warm, and our hearts be salted, evermore.”

They roast in sacred ovens, boil their worries like cabbage, and offer the first slice to the empty chair — reserved for Porcalon’s return.

The Signs of the Final Sizzle

• The Bacon Eclipse — The sun shall be obscured by a disc of smoked meat. The air will smell of breakfast. Then shall the world know change is near.
• The Rindless Pig — A swine born with no rind shall cry thrice at midnight. This is the Herald of Porcalon’s awakening.
• The Hamless Year — When twelve moons pass without ham upon a single table, famine shall sweep the land, and only the Faithful will taste salvation.

The Five Commandments of the Hamward Faith

1. Thou shalt honor the pig, for through it comes bounty.
2. Thou shalt salt with purpose and smoke with patience.
3. Thou shalt never throw away the bone — for it carries the soul.
4. Thou shalt not speak ill of cured meat, lest thy words turn dry.
5. Thou shalt feast with others, for ham is not to be hoarded.

The Great Glazed Return

It is written: one day, a Child of Crackling Skin shall emerge from the smokehouse ruins, bearing the Tongs of Truth. They shall summon Porcalon from the Hallowed Smoker.

The skies will glisten with golden fat. The rivers shall turn to broth. Every empty stomach shall sing.

“Let there be feast! For hunger is over, and the table is set.”

And thus begins the Endless Buffet, where no plate empties, no ham cools, and no soul ever leaves unsatisfied.